How Supporting My Son Connor Made Me a Better Adult Amateur… Again

19 Dec  How Supporting My Son Connor Made Me a Better Adult Amateur… Again

By Danielle Aymond

Recently, I had the privilege and entertainment of accompanying my son, Connor, to a Dressage4Kids clinic with the legendary Lendon Gray, graciously hosted at Kalie Beckers’ farm. Now, you would think after years of riding, shows, clinics, and “Oh, now I get it!” moments, I would have stopped being humbled by the insights delivered to ponytailed pre-teens and teenagers on ponies that were cute as a button. 

You would be wrong. 

Here are ten things I learned (again) while supporting Connor. These are ten things every Adult Amateur secretly knows, conveniently forgets, and absolutely needs to hear REPEATED. 

1. Keep your hands on the invisible line between bit and hip. 

Apparently, this “invisible line” is not a mystical metaphor…it’s a rule. A straight one. My left hand, however, is a free spirit. It wanders. It explores. It has goals and dreams that don’t involve staying between bit and hip. But visualizing this invisible line brought it back into polite, dressage-appropriate orbit. 

2. Don’t nag your horse = they ignore you. 

Shocking news: nagging doesn’t work on horses any more than it works on teenagers. Whether you need more forward or more collection, the point is: ask clearly, ask once, and mean it. Repeated micromanaging becomes background noise… like a mom reminding someone to pick up their boots… hypothetically. 

3. Leg yielding: bending is easy. Too easy. 

Turns out, it’s terribly convenient to just… overbend. The trick is to practice it straight, so when you add the tiniest bit of bend in the show ring, it feels like poetry. Or at least like you and your horse aren’t arguing over who forgot geometry class. 

4. Warm-up adjustments are the key to suppleness. 

Lengthen, shorten, collect, send forward and repeat. Adjusting the gait early creates a horse that feels like butter, not a brick. Adult Amateurs: consider this your reminder that warm-up is not for socializing or wondering if you’ll remember your test. (Guilty!) 

5. Don’t use big words like “connection.” 

Kids don’t say, “I’m having trouble with my connection.” They say, “My reins are looping. I don’t want them to loop.” Specific, actionable, measurable. In other words, the opposite of every Adult Amateur’s default over-analysis. 

6. Circles are either a tool or a crutch. 

Yes, circles can improve balance, bend, rhythm… But you must ride a perfect circle first. Then (you guessed it) leave the circle. Your horse should not think you’re practicing for a dressage test inside a hamster wheel. 

7. Who is moving your arms? You? or the horse? 

The rider should follow the natural nod of the head and neck, not manufacture it. This advice is also excellent for handling life in general: don’t create drama where none is needed. 

8. Use your voice and use it fast. 

You have two seconds. That’s it. Reward with a pat or a “Good boy!” within those two seconds or your horse has already moved on mentally and emotionally. To be honest, this also seems to apply to children, spouses, and dogs. 

9. Some days you just have to get off and kick a tree. 

And that’s okay. The horse isn’t plotting your downfall; they simply see the world differently. Sometimes we all need a break, a breath, or in the most elegant dressage fashion … a private meltdown behind the trailer. (Double guilty!) 

10. For the love of God, RIDE YOUR CORNERS. 

Are you cutting corners? Then you’re riding diagonals like a drunken pigeon. Commit to your corners like they owe you money. 

Final Thoughts 

Supporting Connor at this clinic reminded me that dressage wisdom never gets old—even when delivered to riders young enough to still share memes about ponies. Watching the kids ride with courage, clarity, and simplicity was the best reminder that riding is supposed to be fun, thoughtful, and always improving. 

If you ever need a dose of humility, inspiration, or a reminder of all the things that have floated out of your brain, I highly recommend auditing a Dressage4Kids clinic. 

Happy riding… and ride those corners.